Wednesday, March 25, 2009

x = y

I am at a stage of life when I think I understand relationships. Or at least at a stage when I can talk about them. At 23 you are supposed to have that much of intellectuality at least. So what I’m talking about here is my theory of relationships... Be it lovers, friends, relatives, colleagues... the x=y theory holds true in most cases.

So what is x=y? x is you. y is the person concerned in the relationship(I’m assuming we have two people in the scene) . So now what is the secret behind a successful relationship? Love, trust, faith, respect and all that. Well you can go and on. But most importantly it’s the expectations you set with each other. When your expectations are not at par with y the equation fails thus becoming a liability or a formality henceforth. Whether its x+3(you are expecting too much), y+3(he/she is expecting too much), x-3(you are not bothered) or y-3(he/she is not bothered), it becomes a flop.

The mantra to a successful equation is setting your priorities right and making your expectations clear. When you have done that and you are ok with what is expected of you and what he/she is ready to give, it works wonders for any relationship. So when you start realizing that someone is not getting their priorities right or is expecting too much of you, don’t run away, it hurts the person concerned and you as well, clear it out, have a chat. Silence never helps a relationship. An honest conversation does. And it makes you a good person inside and outside.

24 comments:

sawan said...

theory :(
why dnt u give some tips on how to make x=y?

Kenny said...

Equations never work in life. You never enter any relationship stating explicitly your expectations and even if you have expectations it changes with time. Like minded people have relationships with each other. Obviously there will be ups and downs in any relationship. The strength of the relationship depends on how badly either party wants the relationship to stay intact. There is no secret sure shot formula for a successful relationship. According to you if we keep on balancing x and y relationship will work. I simply don’t get that. There is a limit to which one can keep on balancing. If you keep on reducing and adding it would be too much work for a relationship. Every week you cant just sit down and cross stuff out of your expectations or you cannot expect y to add stuff to his priorities.

athi said...

@sawan A post will follow soon :P

@ken Every relationship requires a lot of work... even with your parents... Colleagues whoever it is. There is nothing wrong in revaluating and reconfirming your priorities and expectations once in a while. It makes your relationship more realistic rather than it deteriorating to a formality.

One Bizarre Scribe said...

Makes a lot of sense, but just the one loop-hole.. It's human never to cease expecting.. if it's x-y when u start out, it goes on to x+1, x+2, x+3, n so on.. so where does y draw the line?
Relationships are supposedly about adjustments and compromises, but imho, either x or y ends up adjusting a lot more than the other, almost always..

Umesh said...

Dear... Big Bang theory is easier to understand ;-) NOM...

athi said...

@Scribe: dats d whole point. Relationships r about adjustments and compromises but one sided adjustments tend to make them hollow. At least there should be some talk. A meaningful conversation kills all complexes, insecurities and doubts.

Old Monk said...

well,I agree with Kenny.
And I believe that patience is the prerequisite for any relationship to go on rather blossom. :p

One Bizarre Scribe said...

so bottom line is a smooth talker has a better shot at having a successful relationship than the next guy? is that it? :)

athi said...

@Scribe if the smooth talk is honest maybe :P

@Old Monk I'm not preaching. Its my theory. Dusnt have to work for u :P

Old Monk said...

I didn't say you are preaching! :}
And,yes!It's your theory!!It doesn't have to necessarily work out for me.
I agree.
But,don't you think any relationship would stand.. at least be stable without the thing called patience?

Thomas A. Anderson said...

May be X+Y=0 works better than X-Y=0. Think about it!

aneesh said...

x=y eh? hmm...
wont it be fun if life is full of surprises? instead of goin ahead with calculation and prerequisites.. knowing how much you have to adjust in life and how much bothered you have to be doesnt mean you care about the other person...after all theres this magic in life ..and you'll be missing that...

workhard said...

Thats a nice thought.. and as soon as you realize the other person is not willing to comprimise.. walk out...

Poetry

tito cheriachan said...

i ll suggest a way to balance the eq...

x+a=y+b ,
where a,b are special variables u need to change in real time when the equation becomes unstable.

athi said...

@tito intersting!

Rajesh said...

eimmmm...x..mmm...y..mmm...

Rajesh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sanely insane said...

whilst the concept behind the theory is right...the understanding of the applicability has a few lacunae...

if people were all rational...then this trivial bit of setting expectations would be done and all would be hunky dory

since they are not...this setting expectations becomes the dicey part which requires many a tact other than just 'stating' them...

that...is the tuff one to crack :)

Vinnie said...

Athi, like u said to Sawan abt a post following tips to make x = y, i will wait till then to comment.

off late, i'm beginning to think i suck at relationships, so do keep that tips coming up soon, woman!

ruben said...

Definitely ur x=y theory has given a new dimention to the thought process. This is called out of box thinking....Keep it up!!:)

Zlaek said...

Oh...I beg to differ bigtime.

You know... the very commonly accepted notion is that every relationship is on a give and take basis (I assume you've assumed since you talk about expectations)
I'd point out here, that 'realising' or expressiing' one's expectations comes in the picture only when two parties are in search for ego feeders, are weak humans, therefore need pillar of support, or anything else (similar) where one is 'out to look for' something.

A successful relationship is borne out of something entirely different. There needs to be emotional as well as intellectual compatibility. And when there is that, there is growth through their interactions. And when two people grow together, in honesty and positivity... nothing can cause a breach of any kind.

Your equation is interesting--
expectations(x) = expectations(y)
But I question that which is the base for your assumption that 'expectation' is the dominant factor here.
It sounds a bit like something is 'made to happen' instead of being 'let to happen'.
It's also a matter of one's beliefs, I may add. But isn't belief where everything else starts? Relationships...etc..

The setting priorities part, and knowing what you want-- sure, 100% correct.


(gosh...this was almost a blogpost :P)

rebel said...
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rebel said...

Pure crap . The leftover of a most modern species,where life is expressed in terms of just two variables separated by an equal symbol !! Quite sure that she is a business or corporate kinda,let her realise that love rules the relation rather than expectations.More over she had scribbled the test condtions too !!
sounds a lil rude ??? but have to say "Unworthy".. Remould your thoughts !!!

parthan said...

Kollam.......chekkan kolllam ketto.......Ninne kaaattilum Bhangi undu,,,,