Monday, December 7, 2009

An easy choice

I haven't posted for ages.. but I have written lots. There is a certain notslagic and permanent pain in this story which I'm sure most of us can relate to. I think I should go back to telling experiences.. thats what I like the best. Articles... not really my cup of tea.

As I stood at the railway station watching him go, I knew I wouldn’t see him again. Was I sad? Maybe. But I was definitely being practical. You can’t be in love with someone you have known for barely a day. At least not the sort of love I wanted to be in. Yet it hurt, deep inside, a pain indefinable and illogical. And when he looked at me, his eyes filling up, I wanted badly to ask him to stay. But I knew I couldn’t. It just didn’t seem right.

I have always been an independent lot, walking away from sinfully tempting situations unscathed, with disappointment and hurt but never regretting a decision ever. Always wanting an easy uncomplicated life. But I had no idea this was going to different.

I never forgot him. I have often (at those vague uninspiring instances in life) wondered what it would have been like, if we had been together. Would a common love for books, movies and everything creative have been a reason enough to stick together? Is that all there is to love? He came across as one of those genuine people you rarely get to meet, people who leave their mark in one meeting. There was this aura about him which I loved, an aura that was pleasant and warm and put people to ease. Some charmer he was and the declarations of undying love were quite enticing. But I happen to be fairly level headed and so I saw nothing more in that meeting except for a momentary companionship, bordered on infatuation. But maybe there could have been more… He just became one of those million things, in a life cluttered with random people, things and thoughts, that I couldn’t erase but would never really be a part of my life.

Choices like these are not always hard to make, because you never really get deep enough in them to let it really affect you. But there are many other decisions in life that are extremely difficult to make. I have often found myself on that road where I had to choose between two equally important things in life. And often we may not be right in that choice. But it is important to stick through what you choose, till the very end, at least if it is not harming you in any manner. But of course, it is true you can never go back and correct things in life. You can only hope that you will get a similar chance in future and you will be able to make the right choice next time.

Coming back to my story, I did see him once many years later. My friend’s wedding. We saw each other, the unexpected encounter leaving us momentarily stunned and then quickly looked away. He had a girl on his arms. A very pretty girl. I choose to pretend otherwise but I was secretly jealous. I was surprised that I even remembered him, I mean I did, but I never thought I would recognize him after all these years and he did look so different. A mutual friend introduced us and we smiled courteously. There wasn’t a hint of ever meeting before, and I guess for good. I really don’t know how I would have reacted otherwise. I searched for him before leaving. He had already left. Maybe if there wasn’t that girl with him, I would have struck up a conversation, or maybe not. I‘ll never know.