Musings

Do you feel closed, unhappy at times, even if you have everything you ever desired all around you, but still futile in a sense. Does it all seem meaningless, worthless. What if it was easy to run away from everything for a while knowing you can come back and just be normal again. But thats not easy. When you leave, you leave for real, thats the hard part, and you can't come back, maybe you wouldn't even want to, but thats something else. But don't you wonder sometimes if another path would have been more green, more colorful, more calming.

But thats life, you always live here thinking you can be somewhere else, or maybe you work towards putting yourself at that place you desire at some point of time, hoping for a better tomorrow like we all say. But we are a funny race, we reminisce the past and wonder about the future, but we almost never live here, now. Oh,.. only if that was that easy to achieve. If you could block out everything and just be here. Maybe people who can achieve that can be happy, I guess thats what all these 'supposed highs' do, they help you block out?!

Often, especially when you are alone, everything feels so surreal. Try sitting for an hour, with nothing to do. Its impossible to not go into past mode, it just almost always happens. When I look back now, those hard times seem silly and easy, makes me wonder what the whole big deal was about, but I guess exams are difficult on a child, heartbreak on a teenager, jobs on a graduate, they are all difficult at those phases, perhaps I will think later when I'm 40 that 20's was easy. But its funny how you never think like that when you are there. We are always trying to go back in time some sense.... to native towns, to childhood, to being single, to previous jobs, or looking forward to go to new places, get married, have kids, and to newer opportunities. But why can’t we revel here, with what we have, with the present. Why is that so difficult? Is that because we think so much, we keep craving for things we don’t have ,or is it because we are genuinely not happy. Perhaps time will tell.