birthday hues

As another beautiful year passes by, I'm not sure if what I feel is elation at a very productive year gone by, professionally and personally satisfying, or is it the fear that probably I’m getting older. Twenty three is the time of your life when you are neither here nor there. You are working (mostly) and hence you are ahead of the stage when you can do small talk, hang around irrelevantly, do weird and crazy things, you can but you are not forgiven as easily as during your teens, and you are also at the stage when kids start finding you uncool, since you probably can’t relate to a hundred things they say. It’s also the time when people (importantly parents, relatives and neighbors) start expecting you to be responsible, independent financially and otherwise, when you are expected to be sensible and sensitive and what not. Twenty three is hard on anyone. Especially if you are single. Finding a boyfriend/girlfriend is hard now, finding a spouse easier. You are beyond the stage when you would want to hang out with someone for the sake of it (since you probably have done all that), you would much rather have some peace. And you might want to give yourself a break from all the lovey-dovey tangles and think about you for a change. Twenty three is also the point when you have ‘freedom’ in the real sense of the word. Me, myself, my work, my interests... these are the priorities now. And that’s good, isn’t it? It is nice to be able to do something cos you really want to and not because you are expected to. Like studying cos you want to, and not cos your parents keep pestering you to, save money cos you want to, for yourself, hang out with friends when you want to without having to explain yourself to a possessive boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. So yes, although I’m nostalgic about my school and college, the times when small things could give you intense pleasure, I know it’s the sort of time I would want to go back for a day, not forever. I’m happy at the timeframe that I’m in. And I’m excited about what will come.

Thanks to all my friends who wrote to me, called me and wished me on my b’ day... It means a lot to me, really.