the ship

I had a ship
when I was seven
It was wooden and yellow
with a mast and a white breezy sail
I would play with it everyday
dream that I would own one someday
a ship that would take me to places I had read about in books
I would find treasure in a lonely island
or maybe I would shipwreck and join the pirates
or better still live on the island and not have to go to school
like Tom and Huckleberry Finn
no homework and no cleaning up
just me on a beautiful island
I would eat coconuts and fish
and I would stock up food for the winters
and make a woodhouse on a tall tree
Wow what a life!
Some days back I found it again
lying in the storeroom
buried deep inside my toys
and then I dreamt the dream all over again
but this time I wasn't alone
I was with my love
The ship was now a yacht
and the island had people and shops
the woodhouse was a villa
and I would clean up and cook
I would wait for him to return from work
and then we would sit together and look
at each other
at dreams in those eyes
And then I would see the ship again longing to be shipwrecked on a lonely island..
longing to be alone together..
the dream never did stop

love and marriage

I didn't plan to put up this post but since my blogger friend Sawan here happened to talk about a very interesting topic, something that was originally a comment to his post and turned out to be too long became this post. So if you want to know what I'm talking about, please refer the post below.

http://ruffledsoul.blogspot.com/2008/09/love-marriage.html

Very interesting indeed :)

But somehow I don't believe in arranged marriages. I don't believe I can share my life, my emotions with somebody I get to judge on the basis of talking to for a half hour something. Being a very closed person, though this might be quite a surprising thing to say to people who know me, I talk a lot about myself, even to strangers, but then I choose what to talk and how I want to appear to somebody. Cos I talk a lot, I don't become open right? I have been part of this ‘meeting the boy ritual’ and it only embarrassed me. I felt like I was giving a job interview and simultaneously conducting one. What can I get to know about someone in half an hour? When after years of being together sometimes I can't understand my friends completely, friends who are my lifelines, what can I possibly gauge in 30 minutes? What if he turns out to be a complete maniac? (ok…that was an exaggeration :D)

Arranged marriages are for people who are scared to take decisions, scared to fall in love, scared to take responsibility for their feelings and actions. Pardon me for the harsh reality, but this statement is irrefutable. It’s just not possible that at 20+ you've never had any feelings for anybody or haven't had someone who really cares about you, but of course it’s up to you what you choose to do about the same. It’s not that I think love marriages will work either...but I want to take responsibility for what I do in my life...most of all my marriage. M not ready to give away that one decision to anybody. When I get married one day, I know it’s going to be with someone I've known for a long time... someone who I really care about.

But yes commitment is something in your head, you can be in love, in marriage and still not be committed.

There’s something I feel strongly about marriage, and since you've brought up this topic here I'll mention it. If you've lived all your life letting your parents or whoever else it may be to take decisions for you, at least take this one yourself. It’s probably the last chance for you to do anything for yourself...you owe it you. Plunging into marriage for your parent's happiness (like many friends tell me) is the stupidest thing I've heard. I think every parent is just skeptic about their child's future and they have every right to be, but it’s your duty to make them realize that you know exactly what you are doing, and if you can do that, you'll be the happiest person alive and have the happiest parents too. But of course like Sawan says, if you think you are ready to take the decision not for anybody but yourself, whether arranged or in love, go ahead and do what’s best for you.

And yes, I don't know if you would understand this but it’s the nicest thing you can do to yourself by falling in love, and when it doesn't work out or leaves you hurt, don't lose hope in love. Love doesn't have to happen once or be the final one, be in love simply for the pleasure and the stability it brings to your life. Be in love for no other reason than your own happiness. There’s this book 'Message in a bottle' by Nicholas Sparks. It’s not about undying love, it’s about being able to love again and again, it’s one of the most touching books I've read. If you haven't yet, read the book and you'll know what I'm talking about, but then if you've been in love even once, you can relate to the experience the author draws.

crossroad

When I look at you
I see myself happy and content forever
When I look at them
I see myself loved and pampered then
When I look in the mirror now
I see myself confused and disappointed
wondering how I reached here
wondering where to go...
knowing one path will give me your love and their hatred
where probably I'll lose myself forever
The other will let me remain me
I'll have everything and everybody like today
but without your love I'll suffocate
living for others... living just a life
I know what to do
and where it'll take me
I have known for a long time now
but somehow today when the choice is before me
I'm scared and alone
Perhaps this is a crossroad
and I'll be fine whichever way I go
but I'll always live in one thinking where the other would have led me
I'll still be alone in a different world