I do?

An attempt at 55 word fiction which became 67 words :P. But once I wrote it, I couldn’t edit it. Somehow feel that when you edit and re-edit your work, it loses its flavor. Thanks Sawan for introducing me to the concept. A whole new world opened up. I think it’s amazing how you can write so much in so less.
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She stood at the altar in deep thought. The priest’s voice boomed again in the church, now pregnant with its silence. ‘Do you promise?’

Could she trust anyone again?

Reflection from a cracked glass window shone on her face and she looked away blinking… distracted. Turning to the man who stood with her, she said ‘I do’. He smiled knowingly and the whole world fell into place.

Out-Of-Focus

Haven’t logged in for ages... no apologies people! Have been working my ass off!! Data marts is an inexplicably tiring job.

Well... not a great excuse. We all work don’t we? But of course nothings worth giving up this space for.

I have been writing though and quite a lot. Stuff which I’ll shed light on later. Also I’m working for our office newsletter and though I’m sure not a lot of people read it, even though we have counters in place which don’t give a sad number(majorly doubt the counter), a lot of content published is worth reading. If we didn’t have copyright issues I would have pasted them headlong here but sadly copyright very much exists! So if any of you office people are reading this space, get back and have a look at the archives.

Getting to the real deal, I guess things change when you get committed in life. For the better I secretly hope. I guess you are supposed to feel a certain stability in life when you are getting married. I mean that’s how I would like it. But I guess it is not happening for me. I feel pretty much directionless right now. He is a great guy but I figure I’m not great enough. I have known that for a long time now. I mean I have always been a very non- giving sort of person, but I guess that’s not the real problem. He is leaving the country and I’m supposed to follow later (after the marriage). But I’m not too keen to. I love here. I love this life and I’m entirely happy here. I do not want to be uprooted to another place. I would feel extremely insecure. But at the same time I do not want to be prejudiced about going to a new place... I mean what if I like it??! (which is next to impossible!!)

Four months back, though I was in an on and off relationship and pretty much clueless about my status, I had a direction. I knew where I was heading, not necessarily, at least I knew that I was here and I had things planned for the future. Like stuff in my to-learn list. There was this dance class I wanted to go to very badly (I promised a friend), but there is hardly any time now, and what can I possibly learn in 5 months… though I’m seriously going to give that a try. And I wanted to learn candle- making. I even checked out the class and the place, but couldn’t go. You know what I mean… you lose focus. Things you want to do take a backseat because there are tons of new things to do, which are far more important. And I’m not entirely sure that’s good.

But I have a plan! I’m going to get more focused and do the millions of pending stuff I’ve got to do before Feb 7(the D-day). Also I’m going to give the States a try… I can always come back if I don’t like the place. I’m going to keep that option open and plunge. Somehow knowing it is not the only alternative makes you more relaxed. That works for absolutely everything in life.

For all the kind hearted and patient friends who have been calling me and mailing me in spite of me being stubborn and nonresponsive, I love you people, it is just that when I’m in a mess I can’t let people in.

So guys I’ll get back to this space feeling more in control of my life. I promise!

Ever after

Classic love stories would end more often with ‘And they loved happily ever after’. Modern love stories chip in reality with love and give you ‘And he lived happily ever after with his true love’, more often the other woman, not the wife. Well but the question really is ‘Is there really an ever after?’ Is something possible forever?

Change, we know is the very flavor of life. With change we learn, we grow. A closed bud knows not the perils that future beholds. It is but necessary to open up, blossom and wither away. Then why should love be forever?

Haven’t you wondered is it possible for a Landon to love a Jamie with the fervor he did (A Walk to Remember)? Is there a kiss that bonds you forever, like the kiss between Noah and Allie (The Notebook)?

Often every relationship starts beautifully, the sort of love that ‘Mills and Boons’, movies and fairytales infuses us to believe will last forever. However that seldom happens in real life. Most first relationships don’t last, mostly because you are too young to be strapped down then and no one is then ready to realize how much one has to give to the relationship to make it work, more often they don’t take the effort to make it happen.

I’m not talking about virtual relationships, where one assumes to be in a relationship with another. I’m also not talking about two timing and all those other complex forms of relationships that exist between people. Those sorts are too hard to be dissected on this page now, maybe at a later time when my head is more muddled up than now, I’ll write about it.

I’m talking about a relationship where a man and a woman realize and are fully aware that there is something brewing and are mature enough to accept it and allow it to grow. The tide washes in when you expect it to live forever. But expectations cannot be put aside, nor can hope for an ‘ever after’, the sole thread which ties us to a sane life. It is intelligent however, to expect for an immediate tomorrow and not an ever after. Love doesn’t really have to be forever. And that is good because you shouldn’t cling on to something when it becomes meaningless.

Allow yourself to be painted red and white alternately and allow those drops of green, black and yellow to wash over you at times. Let life take you, do not drive life. Sometimes however, it becomes necessary, I agree, to take control and set things right, but do not continuously drive it down the smooth concrete road you have built ahead. You will definitely be in for a heart break! Let go!

'Ever after' love is the sort of love that can change from lust to love to longing to need to habit to a hope for ‘ever after’ and can switch forms back and forth. Love is undying, it just changes its meaning now and then. Deal with it and have a great life ever after ! :P